Bohemian Grove / PX90 / Rahm Emanuel / Adventureland

I had two drinks – but only two – at Biddy’s with Kirk last night. David Clayton, M.D., author of “The Healthy Guide to Unhealthy Living,” says one or two drinks a night is actually good for you, whether it’s a glass of red wine, a bottle of beer or a shot of scotch – they’re all more or less equal, although red wine does contain some antioxidants not found in other liquors. Kirk is still going strong with his New World Order theories and the apocalyptic mentality of the incurably paranoid. Kirk is an absolute nut, but he does have his entertainment value. I’m not saying there isn’t any truth to them, but there have been people predicting various sorts of apocalypses for centuries now – it’s not exactly a new thing. My view is that everything is cyclical. There will always be evil in the world and there will always be good, every so often evil gets the upper hand, but good always seems to bring it back down again eventually. Empires never last, although it’s true the Roman one lasted quite a while – but still only the blink of an eye on the vast stage of world history. Kirk told me about the Bohemian Grove, some weird pagan party in the woods of California where all the most powerful people in the world secretly meet and there are gay orgies held there and apparently there’s footage of Richard Milhaus Nixon disparaging the “goddamned faggots prancing around the redwoods” somewhere on YouTube. I should check it out but somehow the subject doesn’t command my attention enough. Kirk thinks President Obama and his right-hand man Rahm Emanuel may be gay lovers, that Obama is bi and that’s part of why he’s so into Lincoln. He theorizes that’s why Michelle Obama is so “manly.” I don’t exactly think she’s manly. She’s big boned, certainly not petite, but “manly” to me is a butch dyke with a mustache and flannels. Michelle has a somewhat androgynous body, and I’ve always found people with androgynous bodies among the most attractive people around. Ziggy Stardust, anyone?

A woman at the Hat Party told me about the PX90 diet/workout program, which operates on the theory of “muscle confusion.” Athletes use it a lot. She said that no matter how much you exercise, you eventually hit a wall where you can’t go any further, the best you can do is maintain. But with the PX90, you continually rotate different areas of your body for workout, meaning you never hit that wall, because your body never settles into a groove of knowing what to expect, so you can just keep going, getting in better and better shape. I’ll have to check that out if pilates reaches what economists refer to as “the law of diminishing returns.”

Unfortunately most of the Hat Party footage is just too dark to be of much use, I think. I’ll have to break the news to Pat gently. Although I might be able to salvage some of it through the magic of post-production.

I caught a press screening of "Adventureland" this morning - the new movie by the director of "Superbad." It was really quite good. Heterosexuals are so cute.

Do I write with a quill of poison? Nay, my friend, my pen is equal parts poison, magic and gold. It just depends which one you deserve....and on the mercurial mood of the tiger.

On waking up with a beautiful glowing feeling

Pilates is fucking amazing. I've only been doing it for three days and I'm starting to feel like there are bricks forming under my skin. I wake up feeling like I'm glowing with health and energy (this is partly the vitamins and going to bed sober, as well). At this rate I'll be toned in a month! Even my writing is getting more taut. At first you have to read the instructions and look at the photos and keep it in your mind like a formula, but it's cool how after you go through the motion a few times it becomes automatic, and you can go into your meditative state and just focus on breathing. It's also bringing my libido back to life and making me horny. All yesterday I felt like I had a big love magnet in me and attracted love everywhere I went. Didn't hurt that it was also a gorgeous day (off and on). Spring is trying to let its bright light shine.

Left the house around noon and the sun was out, walked to Fred Meyers for mini DV tapes for the Hat Party, then met Kirk at Pho Green Papaya for lunch. I had the pho tom yum, my new favorite menu item. Kirk had the seafood pho and then complained that he'd made it too hot. I like it so hot it almost makes me cry and I have to blow my nose into my napkin. Feels like it's burning impurities out of my system. Melanie called to say she's coming to visit next weekend! I really hope it happens this time. Maybe we'll go camping or visit the coast, like in the old days. Kirk said he's writing a book about how you can channel water into a source of energy and use it for resistance and exercise instead of just being lazy in it. I told him a couple premises for comedy sketches I've been discussing with my cousin (we're talking about starting a little comedy sketch show in San Francisco something like Little Britain! Maybe we can call it Little Sodom!) He did what he always does when I tell him an idea - he immediately takes it in his own hands, builds on it, distorts it, and turns it into Kirk's idea. I find this somewhat annoying and finally told him that I think he and I have different comedic styles. Mine is "Kids in the Hall" and understated, his is "Jackass" and overtly clownish. He also tried to tempt me to drink beer when I'd made it clear I'm not drinking any more (except MAYBE the night of my going-away gathering, but we'll see), not that it made any difference - I have truly entered a new phase of my life, and it's only going to ramp up when I leave Portland. It was nice to see him all the same, and he was nice enough to drop me at the media center after lunch.

There I picked up my laptop and edited Art Police for hours at Tiny's, listening to too much Bjork and just enough Hot Chip, until a table of loud, obnoxious rocker type boys rehearsing their loud, obnoxious film script at the table behind me became so distracting I had to leave. (Dude, this is a CAFE, not your favorite DIVE BAR!) If you've never edited film before, you would be stunned by how much work it can be - and this is for a film that will clock in at less than 10 minutes. I edited continuously for four hours, and I've still only completed scene one of four - BUT it has become so fantastic that I'm really excited for people to see it now. I played with the video effects palette and discovered all sorts of things, including how to fix bad lighting. The opening credit sequence is splendid. The gang is really going to be surprised when they see it, I think. I was disappointed in myself for missing the Gold Coyote deadline, but now that I see how much work it's taking to make it really good, I'm not so much, because even if I had been totally focused that one day or two when I was too messed up to work, there's no way it would've been done by that deadline, given the timeline we made it on. I plan to have the final cut by this weekend and hopefully up on YouTube as well!

After editing myself into a stupor I did camera for Alexandra Paris's show for the last time. It was sweet, she gave me an on-camera send-off at the end of the show, called me a "faithful camera man" and said I'm welcome back any time I'm visiting Portland in the future. She and her guy are coming to the Hat Party this weekend, as are Vicky, Edgar, Seventh, Element, and a cute boy who I met last night while doing camera, he was helping out in the control room. Only problem is, he's 20 and I'm....32.9.

This week's One Day At A Time has a little blurb about Matthew Goode (who played Charles Ryder in Brideshead Revisited!) with a sexy accompanying photo (above) I sent a naughty response to their letters section, but I'll keep it to myself until I see if it's published. I still think Ben Whishaw is hotter and a more phenomenal actor, but Matthew's all right too, in both departments. I read the only part of the WW worth reading - Rob Brezsny's astrology column - and it said that I'm not setting my sights high enough and that the cosmos is giving me license to ask for more and dream big. Oh, cosmos, I hear you calling, and I am listening, baby!

Pilates! Detox diets! Starbucks sucks!

As part of my new program of fitness and health I stopped by the library today (had to return the Christopher Plummer memoir “In Spite of Myself” ‘cause someone else had a hold on it, too bad ‘cause I was really enjoying it, he describes so many eccentric aristocratic theater people of bygone days), and picked out some books on detox diets, pilates for men (the vast majority of these health/fitness books are for women, do men care less or are they encouraged not to care?), plus Amy Sedaris’s “Hospitality Under the Influence” book, but most especially one that jumped out at me called “The Healthy Guide to Unhealthy Living,” by David J. Clayton, M.D. (image above). He had me at hello with these lines from his introduction:

If you work a sensible, nonstressful 9-to-5 job; if you’re in a monogamous relationship; if you abstain from smoking, drugs and alcohol; and if you are completely content in life, this book is not for you. But if you’ve been known to drink, smoke, hook up, work too hard, or eat fast food for six meals in a row, this book will help you manage your bad habits, and may change the way you see your choices.

I’ve already started reading it. He says adrenaline was helpful when our ancestors fled from lions on the plains of Africa, but is more of a liability now, say before you have to give a presentation and your knees are knocking and your muscles uncomfortably contracted. He recommends a six-month vacation in the Virgin Islands to restore health and sanity in a non-medicational way, if you have the means!

I just picked up a movie I’m reviewing called “Loins of Punjabi,” then stopped in at Starbucks to do some laptopping, but they’ve made some horrible deal with T-Mobile and don’t offer free WiFi to their customers! Can you believe it? I could tell by the reaction of the girl at the counter that she thought it was stupid, too, and she directed me to Panera Bread up the street, where they offer free WiFi with no strings attached and are super cool about it – the girl here even told me, “You can order a coffee and get free refills and stay here all night if you want.”

Panera Bread good, Starbucks bad.

A new literary magazine starting up here in PDX called "Perceptions" has accepted two photos for their first issue, but it doesn’t go to press until May. They’ll mail my contributor’s copy to Haiku.

Did I mention we inserted a sort of Grade B horror/Herschell Gordon Lewis homage moment into Art Police? It was a spur-of-the-moment inspiration of mine and involves a severed finger, complete with theatrical blood and....ketchup packets. Should be pretty funny.

I stopped in at Art Media and used the gift card I got at Jean’s dinner party a while back to buy some new charcoals and drawing supplies, because another part of my regiment to get myself back into shape AND back into full creative flux is to make at least one drawing or piece of visual art, even if it’s just a sketch, every day from now until I leave. (And after.)

And of course, the day after I whined about Portland weather, we got one of the (mostly) best and brightest days we’ve had in a while. When it’s lovely here, it is lovely indeed.