In Praise of Cheese

I wrote this poem today.

In Praise of Cheese

Because of you I will never be vegan
The ne plus ultra of dairy deliciousness
you’re part mold but you never get old

Cows and goats and sheep and yaks
Casein and vinegar and lemon juice
Rennett and wood smoke and protein galore
Calcium and phosphorous and curdled milk
But please, no head cheese for me!

Where you came from we may never know
Pliny the Elder attests to your antediluvian sophistication
Egyptian hierogylphs record your youth in pictures
One-eyed Polyphemus kept sheep and goats with you in mind
John Heywood claimed the Moon was made up of you

Fresh, or whey, or pasta filata
Soft or firm or hard or curd
Sharp or mild or medium
Soft-ripened or blue-veined or rind-encased
Salty or stinky or herb-enhanced
Creamy or crumbly or craggy

All of the above!

Spread on bread or bagels or crackers
with peppered salami and piquant red wine
everything goes better
with a little bit of you

Penicillium candida
Almond-encrusted Kaukauna cheeseballs
(a perennial holiday pleasure)
rock-hard as Gruyere, milk-soft as Brie
even sprayed out of an aerosol can

Some people claim that you cause autism or nightmares
while others insist you help them sleep

It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy
But life without it would make me queasy

Tyrosemiophilia: my new hobby
Let’s call roll!

American, Baby Swiss, Camembert
Danablu, Emlett, Feta, Gammelost
Havarti, Iberico, Jarlsberg, Kikorangi
Lairobell, Mascarpone, Neufchatel
Olivet, Parmigiano, Queso Fresco
O Romano, where forth art thou?
Stinking Bishop take a bath!
Taleggio, Ulloa, Valencay, Wigmore
Xynotyro, Yorkshire Blue, and Zanetti

Like gems rain down your lovely names
More cheese, please!

G. K. Chesterton claimed that poets have neglected you
So, you see I’ve done my best to make sure that’s not true